When it comes to getting married, the internet and life in general has an ABUNDANCE of information and inspiration about all of the romantic, fun and exciting bits about your wedding - outfits, florals, venues, photographers, decor, confetti.... but often very little about how you actually get married.
A little while back, I asked my Instagram followers what they wanted to know about getting married, or what they wished they'd known beforehand. The most common answer by a long shot was about how the legal bits of getting married actually work. It's often assumed that you book your ceremony venue and a registrar, rock up on the day and Bob's your uncle. However, there are lots of other steps that couples need to take to make sure your marriage is belt-and-braces official.
As well as a generally woolly understanding of the finer details of the marriage process, there's also the multitude of options available to couples for their ceremony - different types of venues, legal restrictions, registrar or celebrant, civil partnership or marriage, readings, rituals, traditions... it's no wonder it can all be a bit bamboozling.
So, let's break it down and have a closer look at what it actually takes to get married here in the UK. Lets do it!
1. Decide what type of union works best for you
Even this first step can be a bit confusing, and I'll be honest, I've had to do a bit of research myself to get it straight!
In the UK, there are essentially two routes to making your union legally recognised - marriage and civil partnership. Whilst similar, there are some fundamental differences between the two:
A marriage can take place in either a religious ceremony or non-religious ceremony and is formed through vows before signing a marriage certificate. A civil partnership is entered into by signing a civil partnership certificate.
Couples in a civil partnership cannot call themselves 'married' in a legal context
Marriages are formally ended through divorce, whereas civil partnerships are formally ended through dissolution (sorry to bring the mood down, but it's useful to know)
For the most part, civil partnerships gives couples the same rights and benefits as a marriage, but if you are thinking a civil partnership is a route you want to consider, it might be worth seeking some further advice to make sure it's the right option for you.
2. Decide what type of ceremony you want to have
For the purposes of this article, I'm going to continue with the assumption that we're talking about marriage.
In the UK, you have a choice between different types of marriage ceremonies:
Civil ceremony: Conducted by a registrar in a registry office or approved venue. Civil ceremonies are non-religious and usually short.
Religious ceremony: Performed by an official of a religious denomination in a church, mosque, synagogue, temple, or other places of worship.
Humanist ceremony: Non-religious and personalised, but not legally binding (these are often carried out by celebrants, friends or relatives). Couples may have a civil ceremony beforehand to make the marriage legal.
The steps you need to take will differ depending on which of these options you go for, and I'll go into that in more detail later.
3. Give notice of marriage
Before you can get legally married in the UK, you must give notice of your intent to marry. This applies for both partners, even if you live at the same address, This involves visiting your local register office at least 29 days before the wedding date. It's one of those bits of the wedding planning process that a lot of couples don't actually know about, but it's really important!
Here's how it works:
Both partners must give notice in person, even if you live at the same address.
You will generally give notice at your local register office, and must have lived in that 'district' for at least seven days when you give notice.
You will need to provide valid identification (passport or birth certificate), proof of address (utility bill or bank statement), and proof of any previous marriages ending (decree absolute or death certificate). I know, how romantic.
After giving notice, you must wait 28 days before the marriage can take place
You must get married within 12 months of giving notice
There are some additional things you need to do or bring with you if you're divorced or from outside the UK, so make sure you do some extra research if this applies to you or your partner.
And don't forget - you'll need to pay a fee for this (around £40-45).
Bear in mind that you'll need to make an appointment to give notice and some registry offices will be busier than others (as well as some only offering appointments Monday to Friday), so it's worth getting it sorted sooner rather than later.
What actually happens when you give notice of marriage?
During your appointment, the registry office staff will check the details of your wedding and any documentation that you've brought with you. You will then each be interviewed separately and asked a range of questions to make sure that your union is legitimate and consensual. Don't fret about this; the questions aren't designed to catch real couples out, but to identify couples who may be being forced into marriage or marrying for other illegal reasons.
4. Book your ceremony
I remember chatting with a bride once who was getting married at a popular venue and told me that they almost ended up without registrars to actually carry out the ceremony, as she'd just assumed it was all taken care of automatically by the venue. I totally understand why she made that assumption; the venue's taking care of everything else, so surely that includes the ceremony, right?
However, whether you are getting married at a registry office or at a wedding venue, you still need to book your ceremony separately! There are a couple of key things to be aware of in each situation.
Registry office wedding
If you're getting married directly at the registry office, your registrars will already be on-site. You'll just need to book your ceremony date online (and maybe choose which room you want to get married in, depending on the registry office) and pay the fee (yep, you have to pay for this as well!). The cost will vary depend on the region, registry office, day of the week and time of day, but you can generally expect to pay anything from around £50 to £800-900 (possibly even more if you're getting married in London!).
Getting married at a licensed wedding venue
If you're getting married at a licensed wedding venue, you will still need to book your ceremony with your local register office. You can do this online, and will need to select the time you want your wedding ceremony to start. You will likely find that it's more expensive to book your ceremony at a licensed venue compared to at a registry office.
A quick note while we're on this topic - make sure you're definitely happy with your chosen ceremony time before you finalise the booking. Registrars often travel to multiple weddings in the same day, so may not be able to stay longer if your schedule is running behind. Trust me, you don't want your ceremony to be rushed through at double quick time caus your registrars have got somewhere else to be!
Once the steps above have been sorted, you're good to go and can focus on finalising the rest of your wedding plans.
5. Finalise the legal requirements
You'd be forgiven for thinking that once the marriage ceremony is complete, there's nothing left to do. However, once the big day is done and dusted, you'll need to take a few last steps to make sure your marriage is legally recognised:
Apply for your marriage licence: After the ceremony, your officiant will send the completed marriage schedule to the local register office. You can then apply for a marriage certificate, which costs around £11.
Legal name change: If you want to change your name after marriage, you can do so using your marriage certificate as proof. You'll need to submit a romantically-named AP1 form, as well as a range of supporting evidence (check in with your local council for specific details). Make sure you also notify relevant organisations, such as banks and the passport office.
And that's it! That's how you actually get married. There were lots of steps that I wasn't aware of before I got engaged, so hopefully you've found this useful and know which steps you need to take next to get married properly!
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